Supporting Young People’s Mental Health: What to Do While You’re on a Waiting List

Supporting Young People's Mental Health: What to Do While You're on a Waiting List

If you are waiting for help for your child right now, I want to start by saying I see how hard that can be. Supporting children's mental health while you are stuck on a waiting list can feel exhausting, worrying, and deeply frustrating, especially when you can see your child is struggling and you are doing your best to keep life steady around them. I know how easy it is in that situation to question yourself, to wonder whether you are doing enough, and to carry the weight of it quietly while the days keep moving.

What makes this so difficult is that ordinary life does not stop just because your child needs support. School still happens, mornings still need managing, and emotions still show up at the kitchen table, in the car, and at bedtime. You are trying to be calm for your child while carrying your own fear, questions, and sheer tiredness in the background, and that is a lot for any parent or carer to hold.

The good news, if there is any in a situation like this, is that help does not begin only when an appointment finally arrives. There are still gentle, practical ways you can support your child now, and there are simple things that can make home feel safer and more manageable while you wait. I also want to touch naturally on anxiety management for young people, because for many families that is such a big part of what they are dealing with day to day.

Understand Supporting Children's Mental Health While You Wait

Being on a waiting list is not a small thing, and I think that is important to say out loud. It affects your child, of course, but it affects you as well. When you are living with uncertainty every day, it can start to shape the mood in the whole house. You may find yourself watching for signs, second-guessing whether things are getting worse, and wondering how long you can all keep going like this.

Mental health struggles do not simply stop because a referral has been made. Some children stay fairly steady while they wait, but others find things becoming more difficult. That uncertainty is one of the hardest parts, because you are left trying to manage the now while also hoping help is coming soon.

Many families are told one timescale and then end up waiting far longer. If you are finding that really difficult, you are not overreacting. It is difficult. And while you wait, your child still needs the same things they have always needed from the adults around them: calm where you can offer it, routines that make life feel more manageable, and steady reminders that they matter and do not have to face this on their own.

Create a Safe Space at Home

Make Home Feel Calm and Safe

Home can become the place where your child lets their shoulders drop a little, and I think that matters more than we sometimes realise. It does not need to be perfect, beautifully organised, or calm every minute of the day. Real homes are rarely any of those things. What matters is that your child feels there is enough safety there for them to come back to you as they are, even when they are overwhelmed, upset, or not quite able to explain what is going on inside.

Use Small Changes That Help Your Child Settle

Sometimes the smallest changes are the ones that help most. You might create a quiet corner with cushions, a blanket, soft lighting, or a few familiar things that help your child settle. It does not need to be fancy or look like something you have copied from the internet. The point is simply to give them a space that feels gentle when everything else feels too loud. For some young people, just knowing that space is there can make a difference before they even use it.

Keep Routines and Conversations Steady

A steady routine helps too, especially when emotions are all over the place. When your child roughly knows what the day will look like, it can take some of the pressure out of things. Regular mealtimes, a familiar bedtime rhythm, and small predictable habits around the house can help life feel less chaotic. You are not aiming to run a perfect household here. You are trying to build a bit of steadiness around a child who may not feel very steady in themselves.

It also helps to keep the conversation open, even if it feels awkward or one-sided at times. I think many parents worry they need to find the perfect words, but most of the time your child needs your presence more than a polished answer. When you listen properly and respond simply, with something like, "That sounds really hard," or, "I can see this is a lot for you," you show them they do not have to hide how they feel.

Spot the Warning Signs

Notice Changes Over Time

While you are waiting, it helps to notice whether things are staying much the same, improving a little, or becoming more difficult. Changes can happen gradually, and when you are living in the middle of it every day, it is not always easy to spot patterns straight away.

Look Out for Signs Your Child Is Struggling More

You might notice changes in sleep, appetite, mood, friendships, or school attendance. Your child may become more withdrawn, more tearful, more angry, or less able to cope with everyday things that normally feel manageable. If they begin talking about self-harm or suicide, that always needs to be taken seriously straight away.

Keep Simple Notes to Track What You Are Seeing

It can really help to make simple notes as you go. You do not need a perfect diary or anything formal, just a few honest notes about what you are seeing, when it happens, and whether anything seems to trigger it. That can make it much easier to explain the bigger picture later, especially if you are tired and trying to remember everything under pressure.

Those notes can be useful when appointments finally come through, but they also matter if you need to ask for help sooner. Clear information helps other people understand what is happening for your child right now, not just what was happening when the referral first went in.

Build Your Support Network Now

This is not something you should have to carry on your own. In fact, one of the most helpful things you can do while you wait is build support around your family now, rather than waiting until things feel unbearable.

Your GP is often a good place to start. Regular check-ins can help someone keep an eye on how your child is doing, and they may be able to point you towards extra help in the meantime. It is also worth speaking to school, because many schools have pastoral staff, wellbeing teams, or trusted adults who can quietly support your child during the day and make small adjustments that help things feel more manageable.

I also think parent support matters far more than people sometimes admit. Talking to other parents who understand this kind of waiting can be a real comfort. They often know what helps, what to ask for, and how to get through the days that feel especially heavy.

Local charities can be a big part of that support too. At The Revivor Foundation, we run support sessions for families, and you are always welcome to join us. Sometimes just being in a room with people who understand can make you feel that little bit stronger.

Teach Simple Coping Strategies

Start with Small Tools That Feel Manageable

When emotions rise quickly, it helps if your child has a few simple tools they can turn to in the moment. These things will not fix everything, and I never want to pretend they will, but they can make a difficult moment feel a little more manageable. That is often what anxiety management for young people looks like in real life. It is not grand or complicated. It is small, repeatable things that help them get through the next ten minutes, and then the next.

Try Grounding Techniques

One option many young people find helpful is the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique. You ask them to notice 5 things they can see, 4 things they can touch, 3 things they can hear, 2 things they can smell, and 1 thing they can taste. I like this because it gently brings their attention back to the present when anxious thoughts start running away with them, and it can be done almost anywhere without making a big thing of it.

Use Breathing to Slow Things Down

Box breathing can help too. Breathing in for 4 counts, holding for 4, breathing out for 4, and holding again for 4 can help the body slow down and settle. Sometimes it feels almost too simple to work, but simple is often exactly what helps in a big emotional moment. If your child finds breathing exercises irritating at first, that is okay too. Not every strategy works for every young person straight away.

Encourage Movement and Release Stress

Movement is worth encouraging as well. A short walk, a dance to one song in the kitchen, stretching, bouncing a ball outside, or even a few star jumps can help release some of that pent-up stress. The most important thing is not finding the perfect technique. It is helping your child discover that they do have ways to move through hard moments, one at a time, and that can quietly build confidence over time.

Manage Screen Time Carefully

Screen time can be a difficult one when your child is already struggling. Social media and online content can sometimes make anxiety, low mood, or self-esteem worse, but very strict rules can also create more stress and conflict at home.

In my experience, it usually works better to agree boundaries together where you can. That might mean having some screen-free times in the day, or keeping phones out of bedrooms later in the evening so sleep has a better chance. Small, steady boundaries often work better than big dramatic ones.

It also helps to encourage some real-world connection alongside time online. Time with family, friends, pets, fresh air, or even just doing something simple together can help your child feel more grounded. Those ordinary moments of connection matter a great deal.

Try to stay gently aware of what they are watching, following, or scrolling through as well. Some online content can leave a child feeling more distressed or trapped in harmful thoughts. If you keep the conversation open and calm, they are more likely to come to you when something online has left them feeling worse.

Look After Your Own Mental Health

Supporting a young person through this can take a huge amount out of you. You may be carrying worry, guilt, tiredness, paperwork, phone calls, and that constant feeling that you need to stay strong even when you are running on empty. That is a heavy load for anyone.

Please remember that your wellbeing matters too. Taking a short break, asking for help, or admitting that you are struggling does not mean you are letting your child down. It means you are human, and it means you are trying to stay well enough to keep supporting them.

If you can, let other people step in now and then. Even a small window of time to rest, walk, have a shower, or simply sit quietly can help you reset. It can also be a real relief to talk honestly with someone about how you are coping, whether that is a friend, another parent, a support group, or a therapist.

More than anything, I would say be kind to yourself. You are doing your best in a situation that is genuinely hard. You will not get every conversation or every moment right, and that does not mean you are failing. It just means you are carrying something very heavy and still showing up.

Know When to Seek Urgent Help

Some situations need urgent support and should not wait for a routine appointment, and I think it is really important to trust your instincts if something feels seriously wrong.

If your child talks about specific plans to end their life, has seriously harmed themselves, becomes completely withdrawn and unresponsive, shows signs of psychosis, or refuses all food and water, please get help straight away. Those are not moments to sit with alone and hope things improve by morning.

Call 999 in an emergency, go to A&E if you are seriously worried, and contact your local crisis team if urgent mental health support is needed. The Samaritans are also there 24 hours a day on 116 123 if you or your child need someone to talk to.

You do not need to minimise it or wait for someone else to tell you it is serious enough. If your gut is telling you something is badly wrong, act on that feeling.

Keep Communicating with Services

It is worth staying in touch with CAMHS or any service your child is waiting to see. I know many parents do not want to be a nuisance, but waiting quietly does not always mean you will get updates, and sometimes you do need to keep asking questions.

If your child's mental health worsens, get in touch and let them know clearly. Ask whether the referral can be reviewed, whether an earlier assessment might be possible, or whether there is anything available to support you in the meantime. Some services do offer brief interventions, online guidance, or workshops for parents, but they do not always mention these unless you ask directly.

It also helps to update them about any major changes, such as new symptoms, self-harm, school refusal, or anything else that shows your child is struggling more than before. Those details matter because they help professionals understand the level of need right now, not just when the referral was first made.

And yes, it is absolutely okay to ask where your child is on the waiting list and whether there are likely timescales. You deserve clear information. If you need to keep following up, do it politely but persistently. Sometimes supporting your child means being the person who keeps the conversation moving.

Find Additional Resources

There may be more support out there than it first seems, especially while you are waiting. When you are focused on one referral, it is very easy to feel as though everything depends on that single appointment, but in reality there are often other forms of help that can ease some of the pressure in the meantime.

YoungMinds offers a parents' helpline and practical online resources, Anna Freud shares helpful support for families, The Mix supports young people under 25, and Kooth offers online counselling in many areas. If anxiety is a big part of what your child is dealing with, those kinds of services can sometimes be a useful part of anxiety management for young people while you are waiting for more formal support. Your local council may also fund family or wellbeing services, so it is well worth checking their website or contacting the family support team.

Charities can help fill the gap too, and that support can be incredibly valuable because it is often local, accessible, and rooted in real community. At The Revivor Foundation, we understand how hard this stage can be. We offer family support services in your local community, and if you need us, we are here. Visit our website to see how we can help.

Celebrate Small Wins

Progress is rarely neat or steady, especially when a child is struggling. Some days will feel better, and some will feel heavy again. That does not mean nothing is changing. It just means progress often comes in small, uneven steps.

Try to notice the little signs that your child is coping a bit better. Maybe they got out of bed more easily, ate something after a difficult morning, laughed at something small, or got through school when that felt impossible the day before. Those moments matter more than they may seem.

It can help to write them down somewhere simple. On the hard days, it is very easy to forget that there have been any steps forward at all. A note on your phone or a few lines in a notebook is enough to remind you that things do move, even if slowly.

I always think hope tends to grow in small moments, not grand ones, and those small moments are worth noticing.

Remember This Will Pass

The waiting can feel endless when you are living in it, but it will not stay like this forever. I know that may not make today any easier, but it is still true.

Your appointment will come, and your child will get more support. In the meantime, the care, steadiness, and love you are giving right now still count for a great deal. Even on the days when you feel unsure, you are helping your child feel safer, more seen, and less alone.

That is important work. Quiet work, often unseen work, but important all the same. You are standing beside your child through something really hard, and that matters more than you may realise.

You have got this. And if you need us, we are here.